Jokes, Funnies and Email Jollies

[Twitchin Kitten]

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That's fucking funny to me for some odd reason. Probably because I can see it in NYC - any clue what city this was done in?

[Flamethrower]

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I blew up the image to see if I could make out the tag on the cab. It appears at least by color patterns to be a Pennsylvania tag and the colors on the car in the background look like a NJ tag so I'd guess probably Philadelphia. Easton is possible too but I don't think they have yellow taxis there, just red and white ones. Phila has yellow cabs.

[Twilla]

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[Twilla]

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An older Irish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving
her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'.

It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even
taste it

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired
as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!
T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect
was almost immediate.

He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants
a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and
tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and
there passionately on the tabletop!

It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor,' Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Freakin' Jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!

But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in
Starbucks again.

[twisteroo]

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It's funny because they are Irish.

[ralgith]

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Nice, nice. I can just see it now.

[LKTraz]

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A drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.

Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.

Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.


The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly spoke up ...
"I'll try it —
Just don't hit me so hard
with the beer bottle!"

[Twilla]

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LOL, that reminds me of an old joke I heard when I moved to Utah...

Two cowboys, one from Idaho and the other from Utah, are riding herd and find a cow with her head stuck in a fence. The Idaho cowboy gets off his horse and goes to town on the trapped cow. When he's finished, the Utah cowboy asks if he can have a turn. When the Idaho cowboy says he can, Utah cowboy gets off his horse and sticks his head in the fence next to the cow.

[Flamethrower]

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Rules for Bullshit Bingo


1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, prepare your "Bullshit
Bingo" card by drawing a square.
I find that 5" x 5" is a good size -- and dividing it into columns --five
across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

. Restored our reputation
. Strategic fit
. Let me be clear
. Make no mistake
. Back from the brink
. Signs of recovery
. Out of the loop
. Benchmark
. Job creation
. Fiscal restraint
. Win-win
. Affordable health care
. Previous Administration
. Greed on Wall Street
. At the end of the day
. Empower (or empowerment)
. Touch base
. Mindset
. Corporate greed
. Ballpark
. Game plan
. Leverage
. Inherited as in "I inherited this mess"
. Relief for working families (alternate - "unprecedented")

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those
words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand
up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

Testimonials from past satisfied "Bullshit Bingo" players:

"I had been listening to the speech for only five minutes when I won." -
Jack W., Boston

"My attention span during speeches has improved dramatically." -
David D., Florida

"What a gas! Speeches will never be the same for me after my first win." -
Bill R., New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last speech as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." -
Ben G., Denver

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed "BULLSHIT!" for the third
time in two hours." - Harry A, Kansas City

[LKTraz]

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Remind me to play that game the next time you wander over here and good old B.O. is giving a litany uh I mean speech.