The Completely Pointless Thread II

[Gunnen4u]

0

Well, there are some parts of the story I will leave out, along with what was in my hand at the time the deed went down, as it created a ruckus that took a month to settle down with the big wigs.

I was working the entry checkpoint to the FOB I was on, searching stuff. I had some clown who came on base everyday to work, or well, rather, sit around and pick up a few pieces of trash walk up to the entry point. The Iraqis that worked the place were allowed to use our showers. So when this clown came up to get searched and checked, he brought his bag of hygiene stuff to take a shower with. I had him pull stuff out at a distance, and after I ascertained he had nothing that might make me into hamburger, I let him come closer for the ol' pat down and bag search. I did the bag first while the NCO on duty with me (and friend of mine from long before) watched the whole business. We always had one guy doing the pat down and search while another covered the guy being searched along with the other scumbags waiting in line.

So, he comes behind the jersey barrier (one of those short ones you find on highways a lot) to my side, and I look at what is in his bag as he pulls items out. Now, more background info: we all had to wear some form of ballistic eye-wear. Because I am a stylin' motherfucker, I had my Oakley's on with clear lenses. As he pulled out one item after another, he was being mouthy and sarcastic in bad English. I told him to shut up and keep going. All of a sudden, he goes from pulling shit out all nonchalant like, to whipping out a can of body spray/scent and spraying me in the face with it. Good thing I had my Oakley's on. I reacted and clobbered him right in the face and he stumbled back, falling over the barrier behind him.

We didn't have any problems after that. Whenever I saw my *friend* bring a truck onto the FOB, I made him take off the steering wheel (a 10 minute ordeal) for week afterward. Never had problems with him after that. I did, as the Iraqis cried to the people who ran day to day FOB operations, including checkpoints and guard mount, and there was an investigations with sworn statements, an ass-chewing from people who weren't there, and other faggotry. I think they gave that guy a bunch of ice cream to make him quit crying.

There have been variations on this story in times past depending on who I told it to (I didn't want to suffer any faggot crying about it and getting me in trouble with the World's Foremost Army), but this is the most complete run down I have given thus far. Some details are best left out.

Well, to be fair, the ass-chewing I got was more of some formality and their hearts weren't in it. I suspect they really didn't care, or applauded me secretly. I got a lot of "atta-boys" from many. Most of them fucking hated the locals, but didn't want to rile them up much and create tons of hassles because we were literally right in a neighborhood. It wouldn't have taken much for kids and others to toss a ton of shit over the walls.

Yea, my friend went from standing there picking his nose to rifle up and everyone on the ground in .2 seconds.

Here is a photo of the area I took when I got to be in the tower. I edited a copy of it in order to more accurately show you the scene of the event:



There was a line of jersey barriers just beneath the tower to separate us from the rest the entry point. Everyone else waiting in line stood by the gate near the side facing barrier where they dumped bags, pulled clothing tight against their bodies to show no hidden shit, etc. One guy shoved a cell phone up his ass on one memorable occasion.

This was taken later that shift when some Iraqi Army guys and us were looking at each others stuff: