02-28-2011, 10:28 PM
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Unemployment Rose Last Week By Two and a Half Men
Jobs ‘Gone Forever,’ Says Labor Department
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The economic recovery received an unexpected jolt today as the Labor Department announced that unemployment increased last week by two and a half men.
The 2.5 jobs were lost in the Los Angeles, California area and are “gone forever,” a Labor Department spokesman said in a surprisingly downbeat assessment.
But in a possible boost for the California economy, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer today announced plans to begin marketing a new blockbuster drug called Charlie Sheen.
A bill is already moving through the California State Assembly that would make the drug Charlie Sheen legal for medicinal purposes.
But Carol Foyler, a spokesman for a leading antidrug group in the state, warns that legalizing Charlie Sheen could have “disastrous effects.”
“The drug Charlie Sheen is a gateway drug that leads to harder stuff, like the drug Mel Gibson,” she said.
In other news, the big winner at the Academy Awards was James Franco’s dealer.
Jobs ‘Gone Forever,’ Says Labor Department
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The economic recovery received an unexpected jolt today as the Labor Department announced that unemployment increased last week by two and a half men.
The 2.5 jobs were lost in the Los Angeles, California area and are “gone forever,” a Labor Department spokesman said in a surprisingly downbeat assessment.
But in a possible boost for the California economy, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer today announced plans to begin marketing a new blockbuster drug called Charlie Sheen.
A bill is already moving through the California State Assembly that would make the drug Charlie Sheen legal for medicinal purposes.
But Carol Foyler, a spokesman for a leading antidrug group in the state, warns that legalizing Charlie Sheen could have “disastrous effects.”
“The drug Charlie Sheen is a gateway drug that leads to harder stuff, like the drug Mel Gibson,” she said.
In other news, the big winner at the Academy Awards was James Franco’s dealer.