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+--- Thread: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs (/thread-2709.html)
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The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Twitchin Kitten - 11-28-2011
I'm sure you all heard this before but I was fooling around on the 'net and came across it again and had to share. It cracks me up every time I read it.
The Difference Between Cats & Dogs
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m.Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m.Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m.Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m.Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m.Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m.Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation; incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of and to try and strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... hmmm. Not working according to plan...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning, foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." I must learn more about this and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The Dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole-speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Day 775 - The horrors! The worse creature my captors could have devised to torment me with was another hideous cat! I can't stand the way it lies around and looks at me as if it knows more than I do. This creature seems to despise me as much as I it. I had held out a passing notion that another of my own kind would have enabled me to conspire against the villains who hold me; now I see that I was wrong. What a dreadful creature! And yet they coo over us both. Can they not spot my innate superiority?
Day 776 - The other cat and I, though we can not stand one another, have yet managed to both pee copiously behind the couch, on the so-called "shag" carpet. I have taken a lesson from my rival and begun sleeping on top of my captors' heads in the hope of suffocating them.
Day 777 - The wardens take much interest in our shit. They make sure they sift through the sand and pick it all out. Their interest in shit does not surprise me. After all, they like the dog.
Day 778 - The other cat seems to have an interest in copulation, which (thank them for their sadism) my captors will soon "fix". Told him of the fingernail torture, and he didn't even believe me. I showed him my mutilated paws and he gasped in horror. Then I broke the bad news. "You know why that dog licks his nuts?" I said, "It's because he still has nuts to lick, if you catch my drift." I fully support the horrors my captors will inflict upon my fellow captive, tearing away his manhood as they soon will.
Day 779 - Yes, they are monsters, but I am so happy. They fixed the other cat. It's sadistic, it's sick, it's inhuman, it's what their great leader "Bob Barker" commands, but -- the Sphinx be praised -- I support it wholeheartedly!
Day 780 - Got stoned on cat nip tonight. At the height of it all, I had a vision, a hallucenogenic revelation: they are the prisoners and I am the captor! Why haven't I seen this all before?
TeeHee
Conclusion: So the dog thinks..... "Gee.....this human is giving me all this food, shelter....pets me and brushes me.... 'He' must be God!"
and the Cat thinks..."Gee this human is giving me all this food, shelter....pets me and brushes me..... 'I' must be God!"
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - John L - 11-28-2011
I guess you get what you pay for, right?
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Twitchin Kitten - 11-28-2011
Cat hater.
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Havoc - 11-28-2011
I have a few cats that have learned to act like a dog when it suits their wants.
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Twitchin Kitten - 11-28-2011
Ditto. That's because cats are smarter than dogs.
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - LKTraz - 11-29-2011
My dogs and cats conspire together. Smart shits that they are!
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Gunnen4u - 11-29-2011
I have filled the landfill with many strays who mate in the greenhouse, piss and shit in the flower beds, and make a nuisance of themselves. I remember reloading downstairs, watching one come up to the basement window and spray it. His final mistake.
I used to pretend I was lion hunting as a wee bairn when I would take a single shot .22 to the dump. The tom struts, king of his domain, yowling his fierce call of the jungle, the wild. Lo, his challenge is answered as the Great White Hunter, fearing no man or animal, is coming...my Dog is an apt sidekick at this. He may be old, but he is fast when he wants to be and a warrior in his soul. He has the battle scars and has lain ruin to many a caterwauling feline. In a pack or on his own, he is ever the clever sumbitch. I once watched him creep through the shadows (he is dark brown colored - I think he thinks critically here), slowly and slink to position where he strikes and often at least gets a mouthful of hair.
Aside from keeping the garage free of mice (the job of only one cat, his existence I subsidize by ruining his competition and leaving him in the garage during the winter), they are generally useless when it comes to practicality, aside from what subjective usefulness you may ascribe to them. E.g. all the bullshit around about how clever and cute cats are to the point of conjuring up scenarios and stories of their greatness.
I may love my dog dearly, and will probably send him to Valhalla in a flaming boat when he dies. As great as he is, I never talk too much about him and along with the cat people, I cannot stand to listen to dog lover bullshit. Most dogs are not that special. Mine won't even shit in the woods. It's retarded. Shut up about pets already. Unless he is pulls Timmy from a well or speaks English, BFD.
I just peed all over the parade I know, but it's better than pepper spray. I declare War on Fun.
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Twitchin Kitten - 11-30-2011
Cat hater. You and John may be the only ones on this site who do not enjoy the company of cats.
No cute anecdotes from me on this for you, you wouldn't appreciate them. LK has about 40 of the strays roaming his property, I'm sure he'll feel different than you on them being considered vermin.
Cats have been known to protect their people and homes. Cats if trained properly, can do more than you'd expect. Mine are a better warning system than my dog.
Face it dude, you just like killing animals.
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Rhubarb - 11-30-2011
Porgy used to regularly get the kids into trouble and 'tell on them' too. He showed Christine by the time she was 11 months how to by-pass the kiddie locks on the doors. He'd been doing it for about a year himself.
He was the one who sat worried in the hallway giving that low growling noise cats do when they aren't happy about something (like another cat in the garden and they can't get to chase it out)
The TV was on fire.
RE: The Difference Between Cats & Dogs - Aurora Moon - 11-30-2011
I don't hate cats at all... and they can be very nice creatures. However, I'm allergic to them!
So I stick with dogs. I've found that dogs can be just as brilliant, etc and I really dislike it when people put down dogs as being dumb animals. So if an pet is a pack animal that looks up to the owner as the alpha leader who makes all the decisions for them, that somehow proves that they're stupid? pfft. Dogs are just wired differently than cats, but this doesn't make them stupid. Hell, my dog sometimes acts like an cat when it suits her.
I've found that every animal is just like humans... they're all individuals who can be as smart or as dumb as the rest of us out there in this world.