My first foray into the world of Authorship - Field Manual: Wolverine in Hiding

[ralgith]

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Most of you will have no knowledge of the game system this is a fan sourcebook for, but I am posting this excerpt for constructive criticism on my writing. In fact, I'm willing to bet Vizzy is the only one who knows what this is (And I know he does).

Keep in mind a couple of things when reading this:
I've taken a few liberties with the timeline as this is from my alternate universe Wolverines.
Also these Wolverines have Clan tech that was developed AFTER they were routed from the Clan Homeworlds. This is explained later in the FM.
Expect it to be a long time before this is completed, as I only devote about an hour or 2 a month to it right now.

Field Manual
Wolverine
In Hiding


A Fan Work
Written And Edited By
Dylan Myers
Operating Under The Aliases
Ralgith t'Mayasara Of Mordel's Bar & Grill
And
Erian Hendvarden of Shrike Heavy Industries

Readers should note that this fan work, while laid out along the general lines of the official Field Manuals it will also be different in many respects. Taking a page from the Jade Falcon and Wolf sourcebooks it will give very detailed information on each military unit. I would also like to note that there will be very little artwork in the first edition of this work, as I am not an artist. If anyone would like to contribute art for use in future editions of this book, or would just like to comment, you can email me at ralgith@gmail.com
Thank You
The Trials of Fate

Nadir JumpPoint
Haven, Wolverine Space
09:30 Local, 06:15 TST
6 January 3063

As the missiles impact the hull; the only thought to cross Galaxy Admiral Thalia Sogoku's mind was that little has changed in the time since her clan was driven from their homes during a trial of annihilation waged by the other clans. This nightmare of life could only be one human trying to kill another. Yet despite the missiles impacting against the starboard bow, Thalia felt hope. Her clan had decided to join with the Inner Sphere and the rebuilt Star League, as the Nova Cats had done before them.

Of course, there was an added difficulty, officially her clan no longer existed. Thus, when the Khans presented themselves before the Star League Council and revealed their home worlds and other information, it managed to fall into the hands of Khan Vladimir Ward of Clan Wolf. In a righteous fury the Wolves attacked, with Clans Hells Horses and Jade Falcon coming immediately after. So far the battle had been contained away from the worlds surfaces by the far superior navy of the Wolverines. With only three home worlds to defend and a Navy to rival that of a nation of 200 worlds it is no wonder they were able to hold back the other three Clans.

Aboard her flagship, the Gulo, lead battleship of her class, the Admiral's thoughts are interrupted by the holotank emitting a bright flare as another ship disintegrated under a withering barrage of concentrated fire. This time it is one of her own, the Whirlwind class destroyer Jackboot. Ordering her other Gulo class ship, the Jarfr, to intercept the Wolf heavy cruiser that is attempting to take advantage of the gap in coverage left by the failed destroyer she once again puts her full concentration into the fight.

In the holotank a pair of Literature Class light cruisers, the Homer and the Sir Thomas Mallory, and the Cameron Class heavy cruiser Cameron's Legacy, converge upon a Wolf battleship and fire everything that can be brought to bear. Succeeding in crippling the larger ship, they do not however escape unscathed. The battleship pours forth a broadside against the Mallory as it dives past on full thrust. A burst from a naval grade autocannon tears a gaping hole in her amidships port; releasing a gout of atmosphere and causing great internal damage. The Mallory's drive flares flicker and then quit altogether for a few moments. When they are relit, she proceeds under noticeably less power.

The Vortex Class heavy cruiser Red Lightning moves off to intercept a Jade Falcon aerospace fighter wing attempting to bypass the heavy blockade. She launches her full complement of fighters, as do both of her carrier dropships and both of her assault dropships which also launch for the interception.

The Lonestar State, a Texas Class battleship recovered during Operation “Recovery Blue” vents atmosphere and breaks in half under a hail of fire from the the apparent Wolf flagship. Thalia is saddened by this loss of a ship surviving since the original Star League. It has served her well though, accounting for two Wolf cruisers and a destroyer before becoming a casualty herself. Issuing orders to send the Rescue & Recovery ships in to take care of any survivors trapped in the two pieces of the former pride of the world Alamo, she pushes her mourning for the crew to the back of her mind, to be dealt with at a more appropriate time.

Ordering her comm tech to signal the planet, Haven, she briefs planetary command on the current situation and her estimation that this time the Wolves would succeed in breaking her lines and landing on the planet. As saKhan William Noverro acknowledges and signs off she can see the rest of the command center crew begin repositioning the 3 galaxies currently posted to Haven in response to the moment.

Mere seconds after turning back to the holotank to order the tightening of her own lines and a slow withdrawal back nearer the planet; all her grief and hope is ended as a heavy naval gauss slug rips through the bridge and a large sheet of bulkhead is sheared off; slicing her in half. She is the lucky one, as many cannot escape into the corridors before the bulkhead doors automatically close; and thus die of asphyxiation in the cold dead of space.

[ralgith]

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You guys have me sad that none of you commented

[Eric]

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Sorry mate

[Twitchin Kitten]

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Sorry man. I didn't notice the post till now.

Pretty good writing skills I must say! This is only an excerpt right?

[ralgith]

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Sorry man. I didn't notice the post till now.

Pretty good writing skills I must say! This is only an excerpt right?

Right. AND I've even improved this section since... though many of the "improvements" are related to the universe it takes place in. For example I changed the Hells Horses to the Ghost Bears because the Horses had virtually NO Navy, whereas the Ghost Bears have the largest Navy outside the Wolverines I'm writing about. I'm still cleaning up the run on sentences and what not, but thanks for the Kudos on what is essentially a rough draft.

I doubt anyone would enjoy the rest of the book, since it is a gaming sourcebook (manual) and not fiction. But the company that makes the game always leads their books off with such an "action excerpt" as this to give flavor to the writing. I'm following their format almost exclusively for continuity and because its a good format.

[Vizth Hal]

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Excellent. I can write technical specs and little bits of fluff from here to the apocalypse, but it's always too clinical to be really interesting. You kick my ass at story telling m8 cant wait to see more of it.