12-25-2013, 06:06 AM
0
What a helluva Christmas day. I was walking down the street to pick up some last minute extras for Christmas dinner when I happened upon three prostitues getting a can of whoop-ass opened on them by their pimp. Needless to say, I approved as I went into the store and bought what I needed. As I walked past the group while I was coming out of the store, the pimp pushed one of the girls into me, making me drop my can of yams on the ground where it exploded. I was furious.
I put down my bags of groceries and Van Damme kicked the pimp right in the dreadlocks. He swiftly drew a Glock out from inside his pants and went to fire. As he pointed it at me I jumped 8ft in the air and said "You just jumped the gun", then I punched the ground as I landed and the shockwave sent him flying backwards at a speed of no less than 80 miles an hour.
The sheer power that my punch generated bent the barrel of the Glock and he was left with no choice but to charge at me. As he ran towards me I said "You've been a very naughty boy this year!" and hip tossed him into a garbage bin. I pulled the garbage bag out of bin with him still inside it and threw it over my shoulder like Santa. I swung it a few times over my head and then drop kicked him into a car's exhaust. I started the car's engine and he began to cook. I stood over near his body as it began to sizzle, took in a deep breath and said "We all love a roast for Christmas". I noticed that a few of his teeth had been knocked out and figured they would make a great garnish. I threw them at his now thoroughly baked body and said "Here's your white Christmas."
I lit up a cigar with his corpse, picked up the rest of my groceries and began to walk away. The three prostitutes began to follow me, so I faced them and said "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and took them back to my place. After I pounded them with my purple helmeted Viking for six hours, I kicked them out of my penthouse without their clothes or my money. What do I care? They're just walking, talking vaginas.
Merry Christmas everyone.
I put down my bags of groceries and Van Damme kicked the pimp right in the dreadlocks. He swiftly drew a Glock out from inside his pants and went to fire. As he pointed it at me I jumped 8ft in the air and said "You just jumped the gun", then I punched the ground as I landed and the shockwave sent him flying backwards at a speed of no less than 80 miles an hour.
The sheer power that my punch generated bent the barrel of the Glock and he was left with no choice but to charge at me. As he ran towards me I said "You've been a very naughty boy this year!" and hip tossed him into a garbage bin. I pulled the garbage bag out of bin with him still inside it and threw it over my shoulder like Santa. I swung it a few times over my head and then drop kicked him into a car's exhaust. I started the car's engine and he began to cook. I stood over near his body as it began to sizzle, took in a deep breath and said "We all love a roast for Christmas". I noticed that a few of his teeth had been knocked out and figured they would make a great garnish. I threw them at his now thoroughly baked body and said "Here's your white Christmas."
I lit up a cigar with his corpse, picked up the rest of my groceries and began to walk away. The three prostitutes began to follow me, so I faced them and said "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and took them back to my place. After I pounded them with my purple helmeted Viking for six hours, I kicked them out of my penthouse without their clothes or my money. What do I care? They're just walking, talking vaginas.
Merry Christmas everyone.